Submission Relief

Mod 2 submitted and the weight is lifted.

I can't deny I've found the run up to this submission rather frustrating. Having felt in a great position for the last month or so submission felt like an array of issues... again!

- unihub not working
- turn it in not working
- conflicting messages
- no feedback
- hundreds of questions

And now its allllllllll gone and life is good again...for a short while.

This summer should have been filled with 3 months playing two Shakespere roles and a 3rd role as the queen of hearts which would have been so much fun!!! but ...

Here's to a break and figuring out what's next for the career in these strange covid times.

One month of Lockdown UK

Lockdown day 30:

So a month of official lockdown  and I'm adjusting pretty well now it has to be said...

First of, something that hasn't come up, and I just can't understand why.... the Sun has been out almost every day since lockdown started! ITS A LOCKDOWN MIRACLE! It's amazing. I love the sun! I'm tanning like I'm in the Mediterranean and it's lovely!

My nan rang me earlier (always nice) and asked how my day was. The response:

Well the sun was shining so that means it's a good day...

This is something I really do live by but it's not by choice. I mean in one way it's great that the sun can help everything, but on the other hand the mood drop when the weather is poor is so noticeable. Almost as noticable as my mood when I'm hangry! No-one needs to experience that!

The other thing that's nice about this lockdown is that it's the first time in literally years that I don't feel guilty for having a day to myself. The only other time I find this is possible to feel, is on an abroad holiday with no internet, but even now the world is so well adapted that you can't afford to switch off on holiday.


Lockdown schedule:
Morning breakfast
2 hours of focused work (art or uni or professional advancement)
1-2 hour workout
Lunch
Free time in the sun (book reading or spend time with my sis)
5PM news briefing combined with an abbs session
Cook the family dinner
TV evening
RSC/ NT live/ Drama online bedtime show

Repeat

No complaints!

But this is only allowed as I've already put a lot of time in to uni work and my taxes, applying for 'normal jobs' including the NEC Nitingale and updating my showreels/CV. 

Anyway I'm rambling but it's how the mind works in this lockdown. Try to avoid the elephant in the room, that still every day theres hundreds of people dying and life as we knew it remains in jeopardy. I also feel like in a time where the world says reach out, I'm really really selfishly enjoying my own little bubble of isolation. 

In terms of the course, I've spent a solid month working hard on 'completing' this unit and still new things keep mysteriously presenting themselves. Frustrating when you think you might be done and all of a sudden there is something else that needs adding. I sent a complete version for feedback a couple of weeks ago tho so at least I will hopefully know that the structure is right and theres nothing missing. Hopefully that will come through soon so I can make final adjustments and submit. We will see.

For now... back to the routine.

Quarantine week 1

Well we've got through the first week of quarantine and all I can say... sunday boredom is painful!

I've got a lot of uni stuff done although I really thought I'd have loads of time in this lockdown and so far my list of things to do has just got longer and longer! ...Loving all the live stream dance classes though, although I can't see the enthusiasm lasting more than a couple of months.

Knowing that this could go on for such a long time makes me wonder whether it's worth getting a 'normal' job for a year just to pay the Bills. Considering applying for the NEC nightingale. Its front line but I'd like to do more to help anyway? Don't want to risk my family tho. Tough decisions.

I watch the daily briefings every day and the 10pm news every night, people say it's bad for your mental health but I find knowing the statistics strangely calming.  Not knowing seems much worse... ironic when this BAPP course seems to be wholly based on 'not knowing' and dealing with it! This came up in the Module 3 skype this week.

Not a lot to update on the course however much I've got done. I think my approach it to try and get it 'complete' so I can keep adding more detail after and have time to focus on reading for the literature review in Mod 3.

Also worried that Mod 3 will come just as this situation is starting to change and we will all have to go into life as fast as we can to try and find stability again and wont have time for the 3rd module.


Above all of this I'm sad for the world. I'm in good spirit but the sad is like an ache that sits there in the background and doesn't leave. I'm extremely sad for Italy. That upsets me most for now but I know things will get worse here too soon. America looks like a dangerous place and Spain isnt coping either. All of the lonely isolated deaths breaks my heart and I cannot help but think of the doctors and nurses every night who have had to see death after death all day. Did anyone watch scrubs? Remember that episode where Dr cox lost all his patients for the day... this reminds me of that, but on a mass scale. I dont know how they are coping. They are Heroes.

And so are the unmentioned workers  supporting the front line workers. The ones that never knew they were vital until they were told they still need to go to work through this. My parents included. And the abuse they get from people who don't understand how they help, it's unfair. Spread love not hate!

Oh What a Week...

I cannot even begin to explain how crazy this week has been. Covid-19 what are you doing to us!

My family, in part, originates from Italy and for them I feel a huge sense of sadness. To surpass China in the total deaths and see the footage from inside their hospitals.. I just don't have the words. 

And that's the problem with this Blog as I don't have the words for so much. 

I am struggling with the idea that this course may continue 'uninterrupted' by corona virus...

The majority of the course members, myself included are self-employed and now have no income for what could be months. Some are parents, who now have children at home with them all day to take care of. Some are carers of the most vulnerable. Some already face family members getting severely ill... Many have reduced access to computers as family members are being asked to work from home meaning they need the house computer. And where do you find the funds to just buy a new laptop. The libraries are closed however the online resource is a blessing... 

This is a massively uncertain and stressful time for us as distance learners, who also do not qualify for any kind of maintenance loan like many students. I hate to write this as ultimately I'm in good health and right now that is the most important thing for everyone. I just think its naive to think we shall be able to continue as normal.

I had to get that down... but in other news I finally have sent off my draft for the MORE form... 22 pages of pure confusion right there, so will be very interested to receive feedback on that. And I have also completed the most basic outline of a proposal and my literature review so in all I think i'm in an ok place. I've pushed so hard this week as I know were going to face so many more challenges in the upcoming weeks so thought I should try and get ahead whilst I can. The BAPP Facebook group is such a huge help! Finally feels like were all getting through this together...but I would like to ad that the state of 'not knowing what the hell is going on' never leaves anyone..we just all feel it together.

Just because I cant get it out of my head, and it may be a small glance of lighthearted relief for some......

Covid-19 fits perfectly to Come on Eileen...

Your welcome.

I hope you enjoy that being stuck in your head for the remainder of this pandemic.

Skype 26/02/20 - Communication

I'm finding keeping up with the Blogs so much harder this unit. This unit is a real time consuming monster! I've been around in circles so many times but still seem so far away from where I feel I need to be.



There were many discussions in this Skype but the overriding points I found for me were:

-Why/How does this relate to me? How will this help my practice? 
-Communication


I'm working on two ideas at the moment as I am still struggling to settle

1. Female stereotypes- possibly within Shakespeare
2. The choreography process

I have made some small progress with a literature review..finally. But the problem is moving forward the question does need defining in order to know how to conduct the research.... I'm struggling to narrow ideas down because I have very little communication within our BAPP group and even just talking ideas through can be really helpful. This was also the overriding feature of the Student Voice discussion. That little community between us currently exists.

Following the Skype a number of us stayed on to continue talks further and whilst a lot of this was just confessing that no-one knows, there was the start of a sense of community. Moving forward from this I think once we've all admitted were stuck, if we can try to help each other out to move forward, there could and should be benefits for all. I know I am going to make much more of an effort now to engage with you all... Beware !

A side note- there is now a closed facebook group "BA PP Community facebook"
Please, If your a member of the course feel free to add yourself to this group (I've added everyone I already know which is so few). The page will hopefully help to create a more instant community less formal structure. (This does NOT replace the need for Blogging)

Skype 05/02/20.... My Inquiry and... The BAFTAS?

I attended both Skype sessions on the 5th and in terms of answers I feel not much further along. I feel like I get this unit so much more than module one however i'm equally as stuck in a different way. I can't say I didn't gain anything from the skypes: The two most beneficial points were

1. The inquiry 'question' becomes clearest at the end.
2. Discuss with other people


As well as a performer i'm a qualified gym instructor who also attends lots of gym classes as regular training- keeping match fit as they might say- and as someone who just really enjoys exercise I think my inquiry should be based around this somehow. I've had a look and there's a fair amount of literature on 'dance fitness' and is dance class enough physically to get you to 'match fit' as I put it earlier. But the problem i'm having is that most of the literature makes the same points,of which I generally agree.So in terms of developing a question any further i'm struggling. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

Ultimately I think that everyone should develop a program that is specific to them, their physique, their weaknesses, their time schedule and their enjoyment, but this requires so much knowledge that you don't necessarily have access to as someone at the 'start' of their career, and it is much easier to develop as you learn. Maybe there's something about being taught anatomy and an almost scientific approach to dance that is missing within training. But is it missing because its just a huge topic.

The skype chat was a really good way to reflect on Module one and how to approach it and trying to respond to the new Module one starters really made you think back... But I don't know if we were really much help in our advice because I think the overriding message was, 'None of us had a clue either but somehow you get through it' haha. I also felt reluctant giving advice on where to start or how to approach a module when we've not received our grades yet which ultimately means we don't know whether what we did was 'right' any more than them as yet... well I certainly still feel unsure.

In the chat Shaunna said she wanted to look at diversity for her inquiry and that was a topic I really considered and have collated so many thoughts on. I think it's so relevant in modern society but a real danger for being socially judged. People can make such quick and sweeping decisions, just from looking at you, it scares me to write anything about it down.

It upsets me because I feel so passionately about the diversity subjects and I think I could offer different perspectives but fear the judgement that may come with it, for example the big fuss at the moment at both the Oscars and the BAFTAS was there were no female directors up for best director and this is 'non-diverse'... but it's easy to sit there and say, thats not diverse....The question should actually be...'Were there actually any films out this year of the same caliber directed by a female?' (Definitely something to look into) but you can't point a finger without first having that knowledge. And there absolutely might have been, I don't actually know however I have seen comments batted around on social media and in conversation from people who also couldn't answer that question... Is that fair? It's almost a case of innocent until proven guilty, apart from general consensus on it is guilty until proven innocent? I'm definitely interested to see what the BAFTA inquiry into diversity concludes to.  There may be a shortage of female directors, which definitely needs addressing but it isn't something that is going to be changed over night, it will take time....And then on top of it all is the fact that every award is made on opinion, Its not like there's a finish line and the first one to cross wins, because performance is all open to interpretation anyway, so does winning actually mean anything? That's a whole other can of worms and I've already fallen into my usual trap of writing too much.

Also another point, I did feel I could write this without too much hate because I am female but If a male had said the same, I fear they would have been judged differently, and this applies to all sorts of diversity topics like race, sexual preference, self identification etc. (maybe not maybe that's my own sweeping judgement) but that's the point I was trying to make in saying people can make quick and sweeping judgments.

Anyway On other note- I am one of the student voice reps for this year along with Sophie and Stella so if you have anything you want raised in terms of the course, good or bad, please get in tough with one of us! It will all be relayed anonymously.

And if you have any comments on the direction I should take my inquiry or if you just want to add to the wheel of conversation I'd love to hear from you!

Thanks

Starting Module Two

It's been a long time since I've blogged. Did anyone else find that they simply didn't have time to complete the assessment criteria and blog at the same time!? I would just get too absorbed in my blogs and then all of a sudden the day is over. I do think a massive part of this is due to not knowing what direction I was going in so using the blogs to feel like I was making some form of progression.

Anyway... Somehow through a maze of not knowing what an earth I was doing, I managed to hand something in for Module 1 and have provisionally passed. Feels like a massive achievement in itself although i'm still dreading the actual grade.

Module 2-

1) Keep Blogs Shorter
2) Interact more
3) Don't procrastinate

These are my three starting targets.

Having read the handbook multiple times already I have to say I feel I understand the concept of this module much better. YAY! ..However actually doing it and correct seems as daunting and 'new' as Module One all over again... Que 3 months of stress, tears, not enough time and  endless research.... But achievement, hopefully, at the end... If you hadn't already realised, I am a bit of a pessimist!

I am concerned that I haven't yet chosen my inquiry topic and time waits for no-one, but I have begun reading some of the suggested books from the reading list... and some are proving really helpful in breaking the module down into much smaller chunks and explaining the process of creating an inquiry.


I have a couple of ideas batting around but I'm concerned that I can see how a couple of topics could potentially cause offense. Is this a reason not to choose that one? For example research on race within castings. Inspired by watching the BAFTAs and the controversy about diversity.

Also I'm not entirely sure- My first go to when reading the handbook was 'What will help me improve my practice' and i simply thought if I could nail pirouettes and leaps consistently in dance auditions I would get further.... but this seems far to basic to be an inquiry topic, but I know i'm right in saying this is an area that I need to improve on?

What subjects are others of you looking into. There's a lot of teachers on the course so I imagine there will be some interesting thoughts on the way teaching is used/approached?