Saturday, April 10, 2021

Transitioning Into the Unknown

So what's next?

Honestly I have spent the majority of January feeling completely lost and wondering what to do. I have completed a 50 mile running challenge, baked cakes and bread, looked into multiple new progression routes, including becoming a paramedic, completed multiple art pieces, watched unhealthy amounts of Grey’s Anatomy and felt generally down...

And then I returned to the arts and it may not have solved my problem of not knowing what is next but all of a sudden the storm cleared and there was focus again. There are so many reasons using the arts, in this case, acting, can help. For me there's the act of setting a goal, the discovery, the improvement, the reaching out and networking and hopefully the achievement. 

Moving on from my Module 3 topic 'How the study of Shakespeare can impact a currently practising actress' I decided to go right back to the basics and work on some more monologues. I don't have a path to the future because of it, but I have a moment, a series of moments with complete focus, where the world around was silent and where I could process my own feelings and emotions into a meaningful product. I have reached out to a small circle of friends who inspire me and we have learnt from each other and somehow in the midst of a pandemic where everything is uncertain, I have a moment of focus and calm and comfort.

I cannot control the future, who knows what is in store, but I can control the present and that is how I am tackling my progression into the unknown. 

Why expression through the arts is important to me

I am someone who powers through life, cramming my time with more than I can manage, setting extremely high targets, and feeling both swamped and completely at ease when I have no time to spare! 

As I mentioned in my last blog, January was a challenging month for me and that was because I didn't have a full schedule and a daily plan for what comes next. We had got through the Christmas high and finished the final presentations for my degree and then all of a sudden the focus was gone. Now, I think it is important to take time to stop and recuperate... but I do not enjoy the feeling of being lost at all, and in the midst of a pandemic, finding a way through seems like an impossibility. 

I have now filled my time again, and really, it was forced upon me as I am fortunate to have received a lot of art orders this month but that didn't fix the lack of motivation I was experiencing. It's the same kind of lack of motivation you might feel after rejection.... or once you achieve a target.... or once you hit a brick wall in progression. The feeling of stuck. Of Stillness. 

Time and time again, when I am feeling this, it is the arts that get me out of that whole. Granted sometimes it takes longer than other times, but for me the arts is what I always return to. An impulse that I don't really choose but that I suddenly find myself doing. Like an unconscious muscle memory that just works. 

I have recently been exploring the power and effect of music. I love music, it is an art form in its own right, but I have been using music as a stimulus for my acting. I cannot do justice to the expanse and overwhelming impact music can have on an individual. To me it is fascinating. On my own I have discovered how to use music to provoke certain emotions or feelings which are unique and individual to me alone. Like a unique DNA code, or a personal fingerprint.. and also a personal method, a way of helping me in everyday life to focus, to feel, to direct the progression of a day, as well as in my performance work. I have already discussed how the arts can lift me out of a 'whole' and how participating in the arts gives me a 'moment' of clarity and calmness ... but to imagine a life without that escape? I can't.... and I don't want to.... and this TED talk by Alan Harvey does a far better job at explaining the importance of the arts than I ever could.... 




Transitioning Into the Unknown

So what's next? Honestly I have spent the majority of January feeling completely lost and wondering what to do. I have completed a 50 mi...