As I mentioned in my last blog, January was a challenging month for me and that was because I didn't have a full schedule and a daily plan for what comes next. We had got through the Christmas high and finished the final presentations for my degree and then all of a sudden the focus was gone. Now, I think it is important to take time to stop and recuperate... but I do not enjoy the feeling of being lost at all, and in the midst of a pandemic, finding a way through seems like an impossibility.
I have now filled my time again, and really, it was forced upon me as I am fortunate to have received a lot of art orders this month but that didn't fix the lack of motivation I was experiencing. It's the same kind of lack of motivation you might feel after rejection.... or once you achieve a target.... or once you hit a brick wall in progression. The feeling of stuck. Of Stillness.
Time and time again, when I am feeling this, it is the arts that get me out of that whole. Granted sometimes it takes longer than other times, but for me the arts is what I always return to. An impulse that I don't really choose but that I suddenly find myself doing. Like an unconscious muscle memory that just works.
I have recently been exploring the power and effect of music. I love music, it is an art form in its own right, but I have been using music as a stimulus for my acting. I cannot do justice to the expanse and overwhelming impact music can have on an individual. To me it is fascinating. On my own I have discovered how to use music to provoke certain emotions or feelings which are unique and individual to me alone. Like a unique DNA code, or a personal fingerprint.. and also a personal method, a way of helping me in everyday life to focus, to feel, to direct the progression of a day, as well as in my performance work. I have already discussed how the arts can lift me out of a 'whole' and how participating in the arts gives me a 'moment' of clarity and calmness ... but to imagine a life without that escape? I can't.... and I don't want to.... and this TED talk by Alan Harvey does a far better job at explaining the importance of the arts than I ever could....
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