Handbook Activities- ‘If you haven’t got anything nice to say, Don’t say anything at all’

I've missed a week of Blogs. I'm annoyed at myself. I could use the excuse that I was working and very busy and feeling under the weather too....but I ultimately think I was feeling stuck again and just decided to ignore the issue. I didn't allow myself that time to 'recover' and now I’m ill again, but at least I have decided to try and tackle this again.

I have been working through some of the tasks towards the end of the handbook so am going to Blog my findings. There is a lot of crossover between lenses and tasks:

Presentation of Self-

This blog- is the social media platform that I feel contains the biggest proportion of 'Me'. I've come to the conclusion that it is because I am engaging in a subject, and with people, that all relate to my practice and ultimately this is what I spend the majority of my time engaging in. I am lucky that I am in a position to do that. But do I leave parts of 'me' out? Of course.

I think throughout my relatively short lifetime, web 2.0 has changed and developed massively.

Facebook- I started using Facebook as a child, in secondary school. Looking back now at 'memories' from years gone by I look over my posts and honestly all I think is 'What an idiot, how embarrassing, did the world really need all that detail?' I was young and naive but so was Facebook. My view on Facebook at that point was it was new and exciting and 'cool' to be involved with... a social movement away from 'MSM' where you only communicated with 5 friends from primary school towards a way of expanding your friendship group....The making of a popularity contest.

Now 10 years on, I think Facebook is dangerous. A tool used to haunt people for being young and naive, to manipulate them or to alter their career progression. I feel lucky that I was still very young when I realized this and I actually think it was through joining a competitive dance school that my opinion on Facebook began to change.

My then teacher started 'emphasizing the importance' of posting positive outlooks on Facebook, pointing out that 'you don't know who will read it'. Actually, in reflection this was manipulation, we were forced to positively promote the dance school on social media because it created more business and a 'great image' for the school. It didn't take long to realize that 'sucking up' on Facebook lead to rewards in class. That a big social media following lead to costume and brand sponsorship. When things were going well, I loved this but I began to realize that even when things were not good, I had to pretend they were because I didn't want to be punished for them not being. I effectively lost control over my own persona on social media from that point. I would love to say that when I left that dance school and eventually went on to engage in professional training that I regained control over my persona but I didn't. It was just as bad at my new place of training except now the focus had moved from Facebook to twitter! And rather than being manipulated into posting, we were simply just bullied into it, receiving hour long telling off, punishment and removal off opportunities if we did not participate. I really, really look back at it in disdain. This was a complete false persona. It provokes the question; who else is creating a ‘false persona’?

I am quite an opinionated person and I really hate that for a good 6-7 years of my life my social media has effectively been filtered by adults who understood the power of social media but just used 'children/youth' to advantage themselves. This being said I am glad I have learnt from it and I can see what was going on, because it is all too common now for an old post to come back and ruin your life. I no-longer really post anything on Facebook other than fact, maybe the odd achievement and my Art business. My main purpose for Facebook is business promotion and audition hunting. I always think I would actually love to delete it but It does provide access and awareness of auditions and opportunities so I feel it would be detrimental to delete. 

I feel that in this line of work it is important to have an opinion because hopefully, to create an opinion you are engaging and thinking about things, but it is detrimental to post an opinion online because you just don't know who will oppose that opinion or who may be offended. It really annoys me that I actually feel restricted by this. I think, especially at current time with so many big topics in discussion, climate change, brexit, health, there is a lot of anger and aggression within society and that many people are using social media platforms to write abusive or derogatory posts as a way to vent their frustration. I dare not even defend myself out of fear that it may offend or come back to be used detrimentally, so therefore it is easier just to abstain from posting. But also, who is teaching them that it isn't OK to post 'nasty' things online!?  It’s an endless cycle. The saying ‘If you haven’t got anything nice to say, Don’t say anything at all’ Springs to mind.

So to summarize I feel like Facebook has evolved from a nice idea to socially connect, to a targeted advertising platform.  Of course, there are advantages, the long-distance contact that is available at the touch of a button. The information that can be extracted, for me auditions, and possibly the business platform. But most of this is passive usage of the platform rather than active usage and I feel when it becomes active usage there are so many political and ethical considerations that it does become a dangerous minefield. 

Twitter- My opinions of twitter are much the same as Facebook, probably because my twitter account was also abused to advantage others, however I don't really find twitter that useful for audition hunting and therefore have not used it in a very long time. I think there could be advantages to twitter but right now I value my time over allocating time to yet another social media platform.

Instagram- is my personal favourite of all the social media platforms but I think that is probably because my Instagram is private and quite 'small' or 'low key'. I admit it is my own fault that my Facebook is so open to people, I could delete all but those immediate friends and family and probably feel much more comfortable posting, but I have a business that heavily relies on Facebook orders. This could absolutely be viewed as a form of manipulation also so I suppose I should not really slam Facebook as much as I have. I still however feel that in comparison to my friends or colleagues of the same age, I barely post. My favourite thing about Instagram however is when you type 'Lorien Tear' into a google search, it acknowledges that my account content is private where as other platforms have loop-holes making you available to public viewing.... Twitter is the worst for this in my experience. However, Instagram is image based and therefore creates its own ethical considerations ranging from filtering or editing pictures to graphic content.

The original question of ‘How do we present ourselves, what parts do we ‘leave out’?

I think varies from platform to platform and who is viewing your content. But ultimately no online platform creates an all-encompassing representation of an individual and that is because it is effectively a fictional profile that is self-filtered, for better or for worse. Spotlight is a viewing platform and definitely creates a 'Persona' of you... Your best bits and that directly leads to your hiring, so in that sense your absolutely right to filter your persona. Online platforms emphasize this but this is true for ‘in person’ interactions too. I think this picture/quote sums it up perfectly….

Wednesday 16th Oct- 8:15AM Skype- How Does This Relate?

This morning was my first group Skype session which was not specifically One Module focused but rather a chance for all Module Participants to communicate and develop ideas. That being said there were a lot of Module One participants in comparison to others.

The Skype session was really useful and I think came at a perfect time for me in that I have made some progress towards Module One, but was beginning to return to that 'Lost' feeling... Which it appeared almost EVERYONE was feeling (Slightly re-assuring)

The themes or topics covered were:


• Module one = Theories/Lenses, Practice, Ethics
• Mapping 
    1. Colour coding
    2. Cards to categorize
    3. Using main headings or repeated words to connect and find literature
• How to find literature
• Deciphering relevant information
• Relating everything back to you and your practice 
• Viewing ideas from other perspectives
• Justifying your content
Many of these topics were just toughed on and many overlap.

I think for myself I like the idea of colour coding the mapping process as right now I am at a point where I just have a long list of words and am really struggling with how to relate them so breaking it into the visual colour coded sections may help me find a level of structure that is currently missing.

During the session someone said that in order to help then decipher relevance they constantly ask themselves "HOW DOES THIS RELATE?" which I think is an excellent way of noticing or preventing 'Going down the rabbit hole'- another quote from the session, by which they meant going too far with the research to the point that you can no longer see its relevance. However also discussed was that everything will probably have some kind of relevance to you, it’s just you don't know at what point you will realize it. But in terms of this course or this module, trying to find the current relevance is probably best.

The final thing I want to expand on was the idea of being able to see things from other perspectives. Many people said they hadn't considered things from another perspective but I actually find these blogs really useful in viewing things from alternative perspectives. I personally find that the informal, chatty nature of the blogs allows you to throw in opposing questions or arguments and theoreticize, (which is one of the bits I enjoy most) but the next step for me would be to find supporting literature for the opposing perspective rather than just leave it as an open question or theory.

Not quite so relevant to the Skype, as I did not discuss this, but this week I engaged in writing a letter to an agent. In this letter my key objective was to demonstrate pro-activeness within my practice as I know this is what appeals to this specific agent. Throughout the letter I ended up basically breaking down my past year of experience into-

1. Performance 
2. Financial Stability
3. Professional Development 
I was just wondering if anyone else views their practice under these categories or even if you would consider all of the categories to be part of 'your practice'... For me I felt I had to demonstrate ability; so, a CV/ performance information was key for that. All of my additional income I feel relates to the industry in some way e.g. gym instructor, but it was key to show that I have funds or means of getting to auditions and to try and build upon skills, which is why I included financial stability. And professional development included this course and gaining a full driver’s licence which I just feel may be useful skills either immediately or in the future. But some may say this is not part of your 'Practice'?



Anyway, yes, overall the Skype was a very useful discussion that has given me a few ideas as to how to progress again and if anyone has any thoughts or expansions on this I'd love to hear?

Modes of Learning

When I first read the Module One handbook, the first section that stood out to me was David Kolb's 'Learning Cycle and the process of learning. When I was making my way through the handbook I also decided to have a quick look at 'edX' courses as they are free online courses, which is unheard of! Whilst scrolling I decided to enroll onto a course called 'Leaders of Learning' thinking that this may help with this BAPP course. After a few weeks of neglect and really not knowing where to start with this course, today I finally decided to explore this 'Leaders of Learning' course again.

The course is run by Harvard Professor of Education, Emeritus, Richard Elmore with the idea;

"The six-week course will help students to identify and develop their personal theories of learning, and explore how they fit into the shifting landscape of learning."

Professor Elmore has developed his own 'Mode of Learning' Theory/Graph and the course itself is initiated by you taking a test to determine your mode of learning (without the bias of understanding that you are being assessed to determine where you fit) This was done via a range of questions where you had to rank the 4 answer options in order from strongest agreement to disagreement. Here are my results:

"Thank you for completing the Modes of Learning Assessment. Your results will guide your experience in Leaders of Learning. Please note that, within in each quadrant, the highest possible result is 100%.


YOUR RESULTS
In the Hierarchical Individual Quadrant you scored 15.87%

In the Hierarchical Collective Quadrant you scored 20.63%

In the Distributed Individual Quadrant you scored 92.06%

In the Distributed Collective Quadrant you scored 26.98%


The Link below will open a PDF of the basic framework for each of these four 'Quadrants'- as you can see I am heavily Distributed Individual Quadrant biased...
Modes_of_Learning_Framework.pdf


We were then given time to reflect on the results before further understanding the four quadrants. Here are the questions and my answer (not for formal assessment just self reflection)

1.How have your beliefs about learning shaped your education and career choices?

I feel that my education thus far actually shaped my views on learning rather than my 'beliefs on learning' shaping my education. Actually, I feel they are completely intertwined, For example I am both academic and creative but felt academia was a straight line that has obvious and definite progression whereas creativity is more of an open less structured path, so more of a challenge. But this ‘creative path’ has much more of an opinionated nature, so is more emotionally challenging, and I feel it is this that drove me down the Distributed Individual Quadrant pathway, which is about valuing and controlling your own learning, as if I did not value my own learning, no-one else would.

Reflecting on this further this evening I feel this very much relates to the Module One Skype session we recently had about our experiences shaping us. I don't like talking about my college training experiences much because it was not all that great for me, but within the Skype session we discussed the idea of past experiences shaping you.... I feel a selection of negative experiences can either drive you to 'give up', or drive you to 'push harder'. For me it drove me to take power of my own education. I found an appreciation for knowledge, and I strongly feel that you are in control of your own learning. I don't think tests and exams are the answer to ranking your intelligence. I am pleased that I did well academically in school, but did reading 'Of Mice and Men' teach me how to sort out housing benefits whilst I studied? Did 'Triple Science' teach me how to fill out a self-assessed tax form? Did Dance class teach me how to negotiate a Performers Contract? No- but it's all vital knowledge to my 'living'. I believe school is important, it lays some fundamental foundations for life and I will forever be thankful for the development I made during school, but to know that that is only the tip of the iceberg is to take the first real steps into controlling your own education. Where you go from there is completely open to individual interpretation but I personally found a negative 'post school', college experience drove me, and many of my peers to become somewhat 'selfish' in there education. Now, 'on the other side' and in a much healthier environment, I feel not so much grateful, but thankful, as I feel this selfish approach to education has developed (but positively) into an appreciation for self education and allowed me to have a 'self driven/motivated' mindset. But I actually feel I found this way of learning as a coping method, and advancement method in a toxic selfish environment.  


2. How did the Modes of Learning Assessment challenge you? How did it surprise you?

The assessment was challenging where multiple answers I viewed as equal rating. Whilst my score was obvious that I consider learning, or at least my own learning, to be within the Distributed Individual Quadrant, I could agree and see values and benefits to all quadrants. The biggest factor that influenced me was that I found some of the quadrants to be restricting and I do not believe learning should be restricted but I also feel this depends on the situation and environment. The Hierarchical Collective Quadrant could be an excellent way of accessing community, for example a sport and sporting team, however there are times when I believe if you strictly stuck within this quadrant there is a risk of learning stopping where the community stops.

Again reflecting further on this now I feel having a combination of approaches is ultimately the best way to access education. This course is based around being able to access the 'Distributed Collective Quadrant' via a Web 2.0 platform (this blog) so to be able to learn and aid this community is vital, but at the same time each assignment handed in is developed through individual study too, meaning you have to be able to access the aforementioned Distributed Individual Quadrant.



I appreciate the approach to the quadrant theory, I feel the concept is well broken down, and very applicable, maybe as my score was so dominant in one area, or maybe as I do feel the framework linked above does effectively describe my method of learning. Linking this back to Kolb's theories about the Learning Cycle- where I established that my entry into the 'Learning Cycle' was 'Active Experiment'- the two theories support each other in that 'Active Experiment' is a process of  'Trial and Error' (which in itself is a process of learning and adapting) of your own accord. The idea growing and developing is an extension as you progress in your learning. Combined, these two theories are a great platform for the breaking down of 'Reflection/Evaluation' as I can understand my process of learning better. 


The video below demonstrates how the active engagement and individually driven education differs from other obvious engagements in learning such as 'School' but I particularly like how this is connected to a search for happiness and an appreciation for creativity. I chose performing because I have always said that if I am to spend 80% of my life working, I want to enjoy it. In this the question is 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' and the answer I think applies to all.

                                    


My brain cannot cope with adding any more into this Blog but I have attached more links for myself and others that I have come across today that either directly or indirectly relate, and most need further development and research, but if anyone is interested:

https://drrogerwalsh.com/topics/lifestyle-and-mental-health/
https://drrogerwalsh.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Lifestyle-Mental-Health-Advanced-Publication-PDF.pdf
http://cei.ust.hk/files/public/simplypsychology_kolb_learning_styles.pdf
https://www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity?language=en#t-1150120

I've actually started!... Module One

Helloooo, It's that time again to update my weekly Blog. 

So this week I have made reasonable progress in terms of actually starting some of the Module one 'Tasks' and official work. I have created my Essay Cover page (which really isn’t much of an achievement but having it written in a saved document feels really reassuring), Re-written my CV as a Programme Bio, and begun to list everything in or related to ‘My practise’ to try and understand the ‘Diagram’/ Mapping element a bit more.

I really don’t need to go into detail about the ‘Essay cover page’, so I shall start with my findings/evaluation of the task to re-write the Cv into a Bio for a Programme:

Programme Bio:

Lorien made her professional debut as an actor in the ‘Uk Touring Consortiums’ production of ‘To Sir With Love’ in 2013. Following this she trained in Musical Theatre at the Midlands Academy of Dance and Drama from 2015-2018 and The Actors Workshop Nottingham for Film and TV (2018).

Lorien is a ‘Triple Threat’ Performer who specialises in Acting. She is also an accomplished Saxophonist. Upon graduating Lorien has engaged in multiple roles and has just finished filming for a BBC short film- ‘Searching For Cowardice’ (2019), due to be released in the New year. Some other credits include; voice over work for Feature Film ‘How to Build a Girl’ (2019); ‘Ensemble’ in Birminghams’ first ‘Warner Brothers’ production of ‘The Polar Express’ (2018), which she will be returning to for this upcoming Christmas Period; and ‘Choir member’ for ‘Kerry Ellis’ 20^th Anniversary Tour’ (2018).

Blog Profile Bio:

My name is Lorien Tear. I trained in Musical Theatre at Midlands Academy of Dance and Drama, and attained a Level 6 Diploma in 2018. I am also a grade 8 Saxophonist. I am currently undertaking the BA Professional Practice at Middlesex University, a level 2 qualification in Gym Instructing and a Zumba instructors qualification. Along side performing I have my own business producing and selling artwork which currently runs through Facebook and social media, but I am soon to launch my business website.

So this was a really beneficial task (I felt) in terms of trying to view your practice as a ‘thing’/ ‘Object’ away from ‘you’. I think the necessity for formality in the writing really takes any personal attachments out of it, therefore forcing you to view it as a ‘record’ or list of employment, rather than a set of achievements or projects that I would rank differently according to how emotionally attached to (proud of) the role you are. For example if someone asked me what I am most proud of? I would probably say the ‘BBC Short Film, However in this listing It felt more appropriate to start with the factual professional Debut, rather than start with my ‘favourite achievement!’.

I wrote my Blog Bio when I first opened an account not realising it would be a task so in hindsight if I were to re-write it now relating more to my CV it would probably be a little different. However I do not wish to re-write it as I actually feel that the Blog Bio is a more accurate representation of ‘My Practice’ right now. This is because I’m starting to view my practice/ My job as being ‘Proactive’ rather than being a ‘dancer’ ‘actor’ singer’ ‘musician’ ‘performer’. What can I work on to improve either my quality of work or the position I’m currently in? And that’s why I have found it so hard to separate my practice from me, because sometimes what you immediately ‘Need’ to improve may not seem like a direct link….

I’ve been graduated just over a year now and during that year I’ve found my feet and had relative success at being employed. (after finally doing my taxes last night) I’m actually really pleased to say that the money I’ve earnt matches or exceeds the money I have directly put in to ‘My Practice’. I mean of course I WANT it to exceed but for a first year, to match, I’m not disappointed! Anyway the point I’m trying to make is employment is by no means constant! And to ‘Put yourself out there’ is by no means ‘Cheap’!

So: 

What do I NEED to keep on ‘Putting myself out there’?

Right now, I NEED more income and flexibility; to fund auditions; to fund classes; to fund clothing expenses; to fund updating.

Can I do this with something relevant to me?

Well I go to the Gym pretty much daily again because its proactive, but also because mentally it puts me in a good place…

So what about instructing a gym class?…

Gym instructing: Freelance, 0 hours, You get a workout whilst instructing and access to the gym area, the course itself will educate me in how my body works and how to train effectively meaning I can make my sessions more effective, and I will regularly practice standing in-front of an audience and interacting with people.… 2 birds, one stone, I can be paid to improve myself, and that is why I chose to be a Gym instructor too.

Can I make it any more specific?

Zumba?- The cheapest course to train on, I practice some dance/movement, I practice choreography, I practice performing, I will grow in confidence.

 So for me I spend a lot of time trying to connect everything I engage in with ‘My Practice’. I know Zumba isn’t necessarily the most technique driven style of ‘dance’ but as someone who definitely can dance, but really struggles with confidence in that I think this could be an excellent way to break down that barrier in a relatively safe, non-judgmental (away from the ‘profession’) way and I absolutely see these steps it as part of my practice so therefore my practice IS Me and grows WITH ME.

But if I had to separate my practice into a formal list then then yes a CV and Programme Bio can achieve this…But I really believe my practice is way more than a short written list on a piece of paper, which unfortunately is how the majority will view it......I'm not going to go into it right now but I think there is a strong link here to the web and web 2.0 as so much of that is about being 'viewed'. One thing that I know often plays on my mind is wanting people to see that there is more to this than the 'yes' to a role, and even though it might not be obvious that there is always 'background work' going on, even when you don't post about it every day. But also why do I care, isn't that a direct effect of Web 2.0 and actually I choose not to post regular updates so again, why do I care!? 

Monday 30th Sep. Skype- Module One- Self Practice (2)

 Yesterday evening we had our first Module one Skype session, This was actually my first Skype beyond the induction so I was feeling quite anxious on the lead up, but all was fine! No need to panic!

We covered a lot during this session and I'm still trying to get my head around it all. I have a real habit of  going down conceptual thought paths (so I warn you now) but the main topics discussed were

-how we view our 'Practice'
-Past teacher influences/ your ‘Journey’ influences

- Web 2.0/ connectivity 

- Multidisciplinary practice

I’m gonna jump straight in with viewing our ‘self Practice’ - I think I currently view my practice as a giant knot, with hundreds of strands all intertwined. And my aim is to try and unpick the knot, but in unpicking it there is a knock on effect. For example;

There are 3 strings, you take string 1 under string 2- so now string 2 is released- but string 3 is even more twisted so you then shift your focus to string 3. And in trying to unpick the knot there is always the possibility that you might create an even bigger knot. 

So my goal is not to untangle the knot but to try and understand the ‘strings’ the knot is formed of. I think I may use this metaphor as the start point/ structure for my ‘Mapping/Diagram’

Other interesting points considered within the Skype were the Ideas of seeing your practise as ‘you’ or seeing it as a ‘persona’. I have always considered my practise as me, I am my practice, but after consideration over night I think this is hard to say. For the past 5 years it has felt like everything I do is a step in my practise. My whole drive is my practise and therefore it is the deciding factor in almost every decision, and I mean even as far as deciding what to eat/drink, when to go to bed, what jobs to take that allow my focus to be on my practice, or even what jobs not to take. The only time that I feel my ‘practise’ is not the leading factor or motivation is when I’m on holiday. I mean it definitely affects my decisions about whether to, or when to take the holiday but what I mean is when I’m ON holiday then I can ‘turn it off’. But if I can turn it off, maybe it isn’t ‘Me’ after all? I would also add to this that when I say I can turn it off on holiday, realistically I think this now only applies to an abroad holiday. Why? Because of Web 2.0, the internet. When holidaying in the UK you pretty much have no restrictions, your still reachable, more than likely you have signal and data and some kind of access to wi-fi. But abroad, with roaming charges, possible lack of wi-fi, and additional charges for connectivity, you are much more isolated and therefore able to ‘switch off’. I have tried to switch off during UK based holidays- Only a few weeks ago I went to Cornwall- and during my time there, via email, data and internet access I discovered there had been a mix up in my enrollment to this course which needed immediate attention but ultimately meant my induction Skype was whilst I was ‘On (uk) holiday’. But I strongly feel this ties in with other factors that were mentioned throughout the Skype session- the connectivity and networking instantly available to us now and the pro’s and cons of this. And also ethical factors too.

Who can afford regular abroad holidays? (I can’t!)

Is it fair not to be able to ‘turn off’ because connectivity is 24/7 now, and mentally how does that affect you?

Is it your ‘responsibility’ to find alternative ways to switch off- but if you loose a job because you weren’t instantly connected, who’s at fault? Who has to face the repercussions?

You are a representing yourself, you are your work ethic and your reputation, Your talent and your flaws. You are constantly judged. Is that restricting? Can you really be ‘you’? are you hired as ‘you’ or a persona? Where is the line? What is the line?

I did say I like to go off on Conceptual tangents! But I think the mental effects caused by the development of web 2.0 and 24/7 connectivity is a really interesting topic to further research, it is just also a huge topic as it is something that I think has an effect on everyone even if it is a subconscious effect. And also the affects it has on people who do not necessarily have this access and is it a disadvantage too? …

(Another tangent) …

My Grandpa wants to book a holiday to Blackpool…He has internet in the house but doesn’t have the knowledge of knowing how to access it. Computers and tablets and mobiles are all foreign objects to him, and he’s always had an attitude of not wanting to ‘get into all that’! But now that my Nan has passed away he feels the need to fill his time and has maybe become aware of how isolating this lack of knowledge is - It makes me so sad- And that’s just a personal aspect of it. Everything is trying to shift its way online and some of these things we have no control over - Banking is becoming more and more online based and interconnected. You need to use your phone to generate a code to access your online account?! ‘Your statements are going paperless, please log on to view’. ‘We will Email you and changes to your service’….

What if;...

‘I don’t have a smartphone’

‘I’ve never set up an email address’

‘I don’t know how to get online’

And this is just the effects of development within the UK. What about other countries, less developed or poor countries. We are progressing without them. How does this affect their society, every day life, access to improving or growing? If ‘we’ continue to move without them, are they going to be ‘stuck’?

As you can tell I can waffle on for ages, but really need to learn how to write a small summarist blogs! This blog alone has a word count of 1,085 (Thanks to anyone who has actually managed to get through it all!) so I think I’m going to struggle to be concise and create an essay of only 2500 words.